I was asked a while back why I share personal anecdotes on social media. What is the “need” behind it? And the topic of sharing without inquiry has come up a number of times in the past couple days.

My conclusion?

There is no “need”. It would probably be easier for me not to share here, I don’t care to build a huge following, or have a lot of online engagement. When I do share sporadically I experience a slight vulnerability hangover, a discomfort at how the information might be used or perceived.

It always feels like an edge for me; To share something without being asked a question is… slightly terrifying.

This isn’t just online, even in my personal life: I will answer any question asked with depth and honesty. But if not asked questions, I don’t necessarily volunteer a lot of information.

It’s not that I’m trying to be secretive. But as a kid if I would share things with my “friends” they would get turned around and used to tease me. As an adult I have very often heard that I suck at storytelling, or that no one cares about the information I’m sharing. So over the years I’ve learned to wait until asked. I also absolutely love learning about other people and ask a million questions myself, so in my head if someone wants to know and cares: they’ll ask.

Yesterday, a friend shared that his buddy was dating this woman who he felt wasn’t very open, Having experienced her side of this dynamic myself I asked “Is he asking her about her?” The answer was no, he figured she would share just because they’re dating. It’s a dangerous assumption. There’s a million reasons they might not be proactively sharing, and only a very few of them are nefarious.

I’m realizing it isn’t necessarily the case that if people want to know something about you they’ll ask. I’ve also learned the hard way that a shortage in either (or both) of these areas leads nowhere good.

It’s a two way street:

• Those who don’t ask get to learn the art of asking questions to those they care about.

• And those of us who don’t share, get to lean into proactive sharing. Even if our delivery leaves something to be desired. 😅

Sharing without inquiry definitely feels wildly uncomfortable, and as I’m speaking I’m asking myself if I’m talking too much, if they even care about what I’m telling them, or why I decided to open my mouth, no one asked for this story.

But again, it’s an edge, and I’ve decided it’s one to lean into.
So here we are with random shares.